Wheeljack o' Lantern
by Botosphere
Summary: It's Wheeljack's first Halloween on Earth. What could possibly go wrong? (Just a fun, little holiday one-shot.)


Author's note: Happy Halloween! The last several weeks have been ridiculously busy, so I haven't had a chance to write this one until tonight. It's hot off the presses and hasn't been beta'd, so please forgive any mistakes in it. In terms of our fanon, it's set about 2 weeks after "Chat."

The song referenced in this chapter is "Hello My Baby" by the Andrew Sisters. (For maximum effect, search on YouTube for "Warner Bros Hello My Baby" before reading this.) Hope you enjoy! ~ Eowyn77

* * *

The party was in full swing, and Sarah Lennox sat on her back porch, smiling in contentment at the mix of humans and holoforms in her backyard, all decked out for the holiday. Halloween was sweltering on Diego Garcia, which meant that the Epps' were dressed as Adam and Eve instead of Mr. and Mrs. Claus, but the 'bots had a little more leeway. R.C. was a ninja, Sunny and Sides were pirates, and Optimus Prime...oddly enough was Inspector Gadget, right down to the fully-functional helicopter coming out of his hat. It wasn't fair, really, to compare the 'bots and the humans when it came to dressing up. The Autobots had all the advantage.

That was true with a lot of things, really, which was why both the jack o' lantern contest and the costume contest had two divisions (unofficially, of course, since nine-year-old Annabelle wasn't supposed to know that most of her daddy's friends were metallic, tens of thousands of years old, and from another planet).

The doorbell rang, and Sarah hurried to the front room, picking up the bowl of candy as she went. "Happy Hallow…" She stopped mid-word when she recognized the holoforms on the doorstep, but she quickly recovered. "Ratchet, Wheeljack, come on in! Want some candy?"

Since they were in costume (Wheeljack was Doc from _Back to the Future_ and Ratchet was Gandalf), she extended the bowl toward them, but Ratchet reached out and blocked Wheeljack's hand.

"The last thing _you_ need is a sugar buzz." The medic snatched a chocolate mini for himself, however.

"Have one of the non-food goodies, then," Sarah encouraged, and Wheeljack bobbed his head in thanks before sticking an orange-and-purple pencil behind his ear.

When they reached the back door, Quinn loudly greeted the new mechs and Ratchet made his way toward him and the rest of the repair crew. Wheeljack, however, leaned closer to Sarah. In a voice so low she had to tilt her head, he asked her, "Is it too late to add an entry to the jack o' lantern contest?"

She hesitated for the briefest of seconds. Both Arcee and Ironhide had impressed on her that Wheeljack was an unpredictable genius and that - under no circumstances - was she or Annabelle to accept a present from him that hadn't been vetted by a responsible mech or femme first. Not if she valued her squishy little life, she wouldn't. But this wasn't a present, not really. And besides, it was _jack o' lantern_. How much harm could the quirky inventor do with that, really? Still, to be safe, she asked, "Is it ready to go or do you still need to carve it?"

"No, it's ready for display. Right now, actually."

She nodded with a smile. "Go ahead and bring it around then." She pointed toward a table full of carved pumpkins. "You can add it to the collection."

He flashed her a brilliant grin and all but ran back toward the front yard. Sarah's heart warmed at his enthusiasm. She was inclined to agree with Will; the 'bots had exaggerated Wheeljack's tendency for making trouble. Chromia was wreaking much more havoc with all their lives.

And speaking of Will… Her eyes roamed the crowd until she saw him in his Dumbledore costume with Annabelle as Hermione Granger, and she made her way across the yard toward him. She was halfway there when she heard someone mutter, "Merciful Primus."

Puzzled, she turned to see Wheeljack carrying a thirty-pound monster of a pumpkin. It wasn't carved, as near as she could tell, but maybe he had the face turned toward his body. Even more puzzling, though, was the holoforms' reactions to the sight. Jolt grabbed Tessa Epps and physically shielded her. Chromia had tackled Epps, R.C. had already scooped up Annabelle and ducked behind one of the thicker palm trees, while Ironhide had put himself between Will and Wheeljack. Even both sets of twins and Ratchet had leaped into action, covering the repair team. Optimus had also moved defensively to protect her, but Sarah caught a glimpse of 'Jack placing his pumpkin on the table. It groaned ominously under the weight. The Prime made an unhappy sound and started shepherding Sarah toward her daughter and R.C.

In fact, Prowl was the only one who wasn't suddenly playing a human shield. Instead he was vigorously shouting at Wheeljack in something that was probably legalese.

Sarah stopped - she wasn't one to be railroaded by anybody, not even the Prime - and crossed her arms at the same time Wheeljack said, "Sarah said I could."

The unmistakable sounds of transformation made Sarah peek around Optimus, and several points of orange light glowed through the skin of the innocent-looking pumpkin. The lights started to move, cutting squash-flesh as they did, and Sarah instinctively avoided looking directly at what could only be lasers. Eventually they dimmed, revealing triangular eyes (which were lit by eerie red lights) and a gaping hang-tooth mouth. Then the pumpkin rind peeled away in strips to look like arms and legs. Behind her, Annabelle squeaked and Sarah realized her own mouth was hanging open. She shut it abruptly just as the zombie pumpkin on the table stood up, lifted the circular top of its head by the stem and started to sing, "Hello my baby, hello my honey, hello my ragtime girl…"

Blue and orange sparks flew out of the top of the jack o' lantern like a Roman candle, and the terrifying vegetable started to dance. "Send me a kiss by wire / baby, my heart's on fire!"

At that point, Optimus physically scooped Sarah up in his arms and carried her the short distance to the palm tree and relative safety. And all the while, the table shuddered under the dancing, flaming jack o' lantern. "If you refuse me / Honey, you'll lose me / Then you'll be left alone…"

With a crack and a crash, the table collapsed, but the pumpkin from the Pit continued to twitch on its side and spout pyrotechnics, melting the part of the table nearest it. "Oh baby, telephone / And tell me I'm your own..."

"Fire extinguisher!" Ratchet shouted over the music, and Sarah yelled back, "In the kitchen!" By that point, the melting plastic caught fire and the stench made Sarah start to gag. She could feel Annabelle's arms and shoulders shaking as her daughter clung to her.

"Send me a kiss by wire / Baby, my heart's on fire!"

Ratchet heroically burst into the chaos with the fire extinguisher, dowsing the flames that were now creeping up the burning table and viciously kicking the pumpkin until it finally twitched its last and the Roman candles sputtered out. It kept maniacally singing, though, until Ratchet put the nozzle in the jack o' lantern's mouth and coated whatever was in there with the extinguisher.

Silence descended as 'bot and human alike stared first at the foam-coated mess that had been the jack o' lantern display and then at each other in disbelief.

"Did that just happen?" Tessa asked as Jolt helped her to her feet.

Prowl was glaring at Wheeljack when he answered, "Yes. It did. Despite your project design being denied three times. Despite being forbidden by Prime from entering the contest."

Wheeljack looked so dejected that Sarah felt more pity than anger, even though he'd destroyed one of her banquet tables. "I didn't mean to," he said, hanging his head. "I didn't expect such a flimsy display surface."

There were grumbles and mutters all around them, but Annabelle suddenly bolted for the table. Prowl tried to block her from touching Wheeljack's mangled pumpkin, but she darted to his left. Instead of reaching for the jack o' lantern, she picked up the broken sugar cookie that had been frosted with the words, "First Prize." Turning, she offered it to Wheeljack. "I think you won."

Despite herself, Sarah started laughing, and she walked forward to rest her hands on Annabelle's shoulders. After all, she had given him permission, and what was Halloween without an adrenaline rush? Looking at Wheeljack, she said, "Yes, you certainly did. Enjoy your cookie - and then clean this up."

Wheeljack accepted this prize from Annabelle and gave Sarah a shy smile. "Yes, ma'am."


End file.
